Monthly Archives: August 2009

I, Magda, Take Thee, Freedom, to be My Lawfully Wedded Companion

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Film_titles_Runaway_Bride_Belinda_8I’m trying to figure out if I want to get married (someday) or not. I want the wedding, and the cake, and the venue and I want to look like a fairy princess for a whole day, and I’ll even go as far as saying I want the permanence the whole ritual represents; somehow making the relationship significant, legitimate. People get married. It’s what you do. It’s expected. You don’t really question it because the alternative is being one of those lonely single people and watching all your friends get hitched while you’re still shopping for one and drinking a bottle of Merlot all by yourself every night. Well, ok. There’s the liberal middle ground where you live with someone and raise kids unmarried, but then you’re a little unconventional and weird (and here I appologise to all those happily unmarried people who don’t feel the need to put their relationship on paper). But everyone, even if they never say it, will expect you to get married someday, or at least hope you do. Why? Because it’s the next logical step.

I’m a little worried because the longer I’m alive on this planet, the more unconventional I become, and I’m concerned that my unconventional beliefs (or rather lack thereof) will put me in that weird, unmarried-but-been-together-for-20-years category, or worse… What it really boils down to is that I don’t believe in the pinnacles of Western society, including marriage and its evil sibling, organised religion. Even though it’s early to be thinking about this, a couple of my friends getting married this summer put things into perspective for me: sometime between now and my dying day, I will be expected to and/or will get married. What if the very thought of being married makes me quiver in my sneakers? It’s not what you think. It’s not the fear of being stuck with the same person for the rest of my life. No, that I can live with (I think…!). It’s more a vehement refusal to conform to an institution ingrained on us for centuries, mainly because it goes hand in hand with the values of Christianity and its many deformities, but also because it somehow gives us the notion that from the day we get married, we’re on some sort of ‘right path’; we’re not deviating from a norm, and because of this, things will somehow be better for us from now on.  To me this seems like the ultimate fallacy (and here I appologise to all those people who are genuinely happily married to the love of their life). It’s the same fallacy that led me to believe that when I fall in love, I’ll know it, and it’ll be amazing and magical (I have only just figured out who my first love really was and this was the most dysfunctional 16-year-old relationship of all time). It’s also the same fallacy that led me to believe that I would ‘find myself’ at university..haha (the only two valuable things I learned at university were that 1. the Bible is a long and intricate piece of fiction ((eternally grateful to C.Cook for this one)), and 2. people are not what they seem). What puzzles me is how some people find their life partner in the first person they kiss, while others marry the wrong person based on false hopes, while others still never marry. I guess we’ll never really know how many people simply marry the person they’re with at a time in their lives that seems convenient. On second thought, just do a head-count of all the divorcees.  And then how many people stay in unhappy marriages because it’s inconvenient to get divorced, and they believe they’ve done something permanent and irreversible (just like removing a tattoo is too much hassle and leaves a scar).. What I’m really freaking out about is which one of these people I’ll end up as. I once vowed that I will only marry the ‘right’ person but wtf is that anyway? So far all my relationships have been pretty screwed up compared to normal standards (the fault being only partially mine, might I add!). Also, I can’t imagine not being single again. All the stress!

Is it possible for two highly unconventional individuals to exist in a conventional marriage?